Dreading Christmas Lunch? Managing Holiday Anxiety

In a recent Australian survey, more than one in three people said the cost of Christmas would negatively impact their mental health, and *one in four young adults (18–24) believed that seeing family for Christmas would make their mental health worse, not better*.

Add to that another finding: around 31% of Australians say they frequently feel lonely around Christmas, even though it’s marketed as the most social time of year.

If you’ve ever found yourself dreading Christmas lunch, feeling sick before a family gathering, or wanting to hide when the office Kris Kringle email lands in your inbox, you’re far from alone.

For many people in Australia, the festive season brings holiday anxiety rather than holiday cheer. The long “to-do” lists, complicated family dynamics, money worries and social expectations can turn December into a pressure cooker — especially if you’re already living with an anxiety disorder, depression, burnout or ongoing family stress. With around two in five Australians experiencing a mental disorder at some point in their lives — and anxiety being the most common group of conditions — this is not a niche issue.

As an Australian telehealth clinic, we talk every day with people who feel overwhelmed in the lead-up to Christmas. We’ve written before about anxiety disorders and effective treatments tailored for Australians, and about recognising when you’re simply tired versus truly burned out. In December, a common theme emerges in those conversations: “I’m dreading Christmas lunch.”

This article is for you if:

• You feel nervous, panicky or flat when you think about Christmas gatherings.
• You’re worried about awkward questions, arguments or judgment at family events.
• You’re feeling the pinch financially and stressed about gifts, travel and food.
• You’re single, queer, child-free, newly separated, or living away from family — and all of that makes the season feel complicated.
• You’re looking for social anxiety tips and practical ways of managing stress this Christmas without pretending everything is fine.

We’ll walk through:

• Why holiday anxiety is so common in Australia.
• How to recognise when stress has turned into something more.
• Practical, psychology-backed strategies for before, during and after Christmas lunch.
• Ways to handle tricky family interactions and set boundaries (without mountains of guilt).
• What to do if you’re feeling lonely, left out or grieving this year.
• How to find mental health support — including how we can help via telehealth at NextClinic.

This isn’t about forcing you to “be merry”. It’s about helping you navigate the season in a way that feels safer, calmer and more like you.

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Why is Christmas so stressful? Understanding holiday anxiety

It can feel confusing: nothing “terrible” is happening, but your body reacts as if there’s danger ahead. That’s the thing about holiday anxiety — it’s often less about one big problem and more about lots of smaller stressors stacking up.

Here are some of the most common contributors in Australia.

1. Expectations vs reality

We’re surrounded by images of the “perfect” Christmas: smiling families, beautiful food, no one arguing, no one drunk, no one alone.

Reality is often messier:

• Separated families navigating changeovers and step-families.
• Tension around politics, religion, identity, or lifestyle choices.
• People dealing with illness, infertility, pregnancy loss, or estrangement.
• Queer or trans family members worried about being misgendered or judged.
• Singles or child-free adults fending off comments like “So when are you settling down?” or “Your clock is ticking.”

When the gap between the ideal and the real feels big, anxiety tends to rush in. Psychologists sometimes call this the “should vs is” gap — all the things you feel Christmas should be, compared to what it actually is.

2. Financial pressure and cost-of-living stress

Australian data shows that a significant proportion of people expect the cost of Christmas to negatively affect their mental health and wellbeing.

From flights across the country, to gifts for extended family, to the expectation of putting on a big spread, December can be brutally expensive — especially with ongoing cost-of-living pressures.

Money worries are a powerful trigger for anxiety and can sit underneath other stresses: snapping at your partner about the menu, dreading Secret Santa at work, or feeling ashamed when you can’t “keep up” with others’ spending.

3. Social overload and performance pressure

For people who are naturally introverted or already living with social anxiety, December can feel like a never-ending social exam:

• Work parties and end-of-year functions.
• Neighbourhood drinks.
• School concerts and kids’ events.
• Back-to-back family gatherings.

The University of Melbourne has highlighted that the social intensity of Christmas can significantly worsen symptoms for people with social anxiety and generalised anxiety, particularly when there’s pressure to “perform” happiness.

If you’re someone who worries about being judged, saying the wrong thing, or blushing and sweating in social situations, it’s no wonder your nervous system kicks into high gear.

4. Family history and unresolved stuff

Family gatherings can bring old patterns roaring back:

• Sibling rivalries.
• Critical parents.
• Alcohol-fuelled arguments.
• Unspoken conflict or past trauma.

Even if everyone is “on their best behaviour”, your body remembers how these situations felt in the past. That can trigger anxiety before anything even happens.

5. Loneliness and grief

On the flip side, some people have too few invitations, not too many.

Australian surveys have found that almost a third of people feel lonely around Christmas. If you’re grieving a loved one, newly single, estranged from family, recently migrated, or working away from home, the season can sharpen that sense of loss.

Loneliness, grief and isolation are major drivers of holiday anxiety and low mood — and they’re just as valid as “I’m overwhelmed by too many events”.

Is it “just stress” or something more? Signs of holiday anxiety

Feeling a bit busy or tired in December is normal. But how do you know when managing stress at Christmas has become more than an organisational challenge?

Here are some signs Christmas is impacting your mental health:

Physical signs

• Tight chest, racing heart or butterflies in your stomach when you think about Christmas events.
• Trouble sleeping — either difficulty falling asleep or waking in the middle of the night worrying.
• Headaches, muscle tension, jaw clenching or “nervous tummy”.
• Feeling exhausted all the time, even when you’re technically “on a break”.

Emotional signs

• Dread or a heavy, sinking feeling when you see a festive invitation pop up.
• Irritability or snapping at people over small things.
• Overthinking interactions from last year (“Did I offend them?” “They probably hate me”).
• Feeling low, teary, numb or disconnected when everyone else seems excited.
• Anxiety about being judged for your weight, relationship status, job, fertility, sexual orientation or health.

Behavioural signs

• Avoiding RSVPs or saying “maybe” to everything, then pulling out last minute.
• Drinking more than usual to “take the edge off” social situations.
• Scrolling social media and comparing your Christmas to others’ highlight reels.
• Overcommitting to please everyone and then feeling resentful or burnt out.
• Using work, gaming, or mindless phone use to avoid thinking about the holidays at all.

If these patterns show up every year — or if they’re intense enough that your day-to-day functioning is affected — it may be more than “just a busy season”. Anxiety disorders are common in Australia, and they’re treatable with the right support.

Social anxiety tips: Before, during and after Christmas lunch

Let’s get practical. If social anxiety is your main issue, here are some step-by-step strategies to try.

Before the event: Plan for support, not perfection

1. Set a realistic goal

Instead of “I must be confident and charming for five hours”, aim for:

• “I will show up for at least 60 minutes.”
• “I will try to have one proper conversation with someone I trust.”
• “I’ll give myself permission to leave if my anxiety hits an 8/10.”

Realistic goals reduce pressure and give you a sense of control.

2. Script your answers to tricky questions

Worried about being grilled on your love life, sexuality, kids, career, weight or health? Prepare a few calm, repeatable phrases:

• “Thanks for asking — it’s a bit personal, so I’d rather not go into it today.”
• “We’re taking things as they come at the moment and that’s working for us.”
• “I really appreciate your concern, but I’m working through this with my doctor.”

This is particularly helpful for questions about fertility, contraception or sexual orientation — topics that can be deeply sensitive. If you want practical info on contraception and sexual health through the Christmas party season, our article on safer sex and birth control this summer is a useful companion read.

3. Limit anxiety-fuelling substances

Caffeine, energy drinks and sugary snacks can mimic the physical sensations of anxiety (racing heart, jitters). Alcohol can take the edge off at first, then make anxiety and low mood worse later — and it can blur your boundaries or consent in sexual situations.

Try:

• One coffee in the morning, then switching to water or herbal tea.
• Going easy on pre-event drinks.
• Setting yourself a maximum number of drinks and alternating with water.

4. Practise a simple grounding or breathing exercise

Even a 2–3 minute breathing practice can dial down your nervous system:

• Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.
• Hold for 2.
• Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of 6.
• Repeat 5–10 times.

This kind of exercise is a common tool in anxiety treatment programs, including Australian online courses like MindSpot’s free programs for anxiety and stress.

During the event: Micro-strategies to stay steady

1. Use your senses to ground yourself

If anxiety spikes:

• Name 5 things you can see (the Christmas tree, the esky, the dog).
• 4 things you can feel (chair under you, cold drink in hand).
• 3 things you can hear (kids playing, clinking cutlery).
• 2 things you can smell (sunblock, food).
• 1 thing you can taste (a sip of water).

This “5–4–3–2–1” technique is often used in therapy to bring your brain back to the present.

2. Take short, guilt-free breaks

It’s okay to:

• Step outside and get some fresh air.
• Offer to duck out for ice or extra soft drink.
• Take a quick bathroom break to breathe and reset.

Think of these as “pressure release valves” rather than signs of weakness.

3. Find an anchor person

If there’s someone you trust — a partner, cousin, sibling or friend — let them know you’re a bit anxious and may need to check in with them throughout the day. Agree on a simple signal or phrase you can use if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a moment.

4. Focus outward, not inward

Social anxiety makes us hyper-focused on ourselves: How do I look? What did I just say? Are they judging me?

Try gently refocusing on curiosity:

• Ask open questions (“How has your year been?” “What are you looking forward to next year?”).
• Notice details about the person you’re speaking to (their hobbies, stories, kids).
• Remind yourself: “People are mostly thinking about themselves, not analysing me.”

After the event: Recover and reality-check

1. Schedule decompression time

If you know a big day drains you, plan for it:

• A quiet walk or swim the next day.
• A solo coffee in the morning before the chaos.
• An early night with a favourite show or book.

2. Challenge the anxious post-mortem

If your brain starts replaying conversations on a loop, ask:

• “What evidence do I have that they thought I was weird?”
• “If someone else said what I said, would I judge them this harshly?”
• “Is there another way to interpret what happened?”

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), a gold-standard treatment for anxiety, often includes exercises like this — and research from Australian clinicians shows CBT can be especially helpful in managing both generalised and social anxiety around holiday events.

Managing family stress at Christmas: Boundaries without the blow-ups

Family stress can be a major driver of holiday anxiety. Boundaries are one of the most powerful tools you have — but also one of the hardest to use, especially in tight-knit or traditional families.

What is a boundary, really?

A boundary isn’t about controlling other people. It’s about:

• Being clear on what you will and won’t do.
• Respecting your own limits.
• Choosing how you respond when others cross those limits.

For example:

• “I’m happy to come for lunch, but I’ll need to leave by 3 pm.”
• “I’m not comfortable being around heavy drinking, so if it gets too much I’ll head home.”
• “We’re not discussing my relationship or fertility today.”

Scripts for common tricky situations

1. Money and gifts

• “We’re keeping things simple this year because of cost-of-living. Let’s do Secret Santa/only buy for kids/a $20 limit.”
• “I love seeing everyone, but I can’t afford multiple big events. How about we do a picnic at the park instead?”

Healthdirect’s festive-season advice includes exactly these kinds of strategies for reducing financial stress — like agreeing on gift budgets or Secret Santa to ease pressure.

2. Kids, fertility and sexual health questions

Questions like “When are you having kids?” or “When are you giving us grandkids?” can be deeply painful, especially if you’re dealing with infertility, miscarriage, endometriosis, sexual dysfunction, or simply don’t want children.

Try:

• “That’s a private topic for us right now, but thanks for understanding.”
• “We’re focusing on our health and careers at the moment and not taking more questions about babies today.”
• “We’re happy with our choices and don’t want to debate them over lunch.”

If sexual health or contraception is adding to your stress (for example, you’re nervous about summer flings, STI risk or an expired pill script), remember you can speak discreetly with a doctor via telehealth rather than having awkward in-person conversations in the middle of a busy December. We cover these issues in more depth in our party-season contraception guide.

3. Politics, religion and hot-button topics

Sometimes the best boundary is a topic change:

• “Let’s park politics for today — I’d rather focus on the kids enjoying themselves.”
• “This conversation is getting heated; how about we talk cricket instead?”
• “I don’t feel up to that conversation right now. Can we change the subject?”

If someone keeps pushing, you’re allowed to walk away or step outside. You’re not required to sit in distress to keep the peace.

When Christmas is lonely, complicated or sad

Not everyone’s main issue is social anxiety. For some, the problem is the opposite: too little connection, or the wrong kind of connection.

You might be:

• Grieving a loved one who died this year (or many years ago).
• Recently separated or divorced.
• Estranged from family after conflict or abuse.
• Living interstate or overseas, unable to travel home.
• Working shifts over the holidays (healthcare, emergency services, hospitality).
• Part of the LGBTQIA+ community and not fully accepted by your family.

Your feelings are valid. Here are some ways to care for yourself if this is you.

1. Create your own version of Christmas

You’re not obliged to celebrate the “standard” way. You might:

• Host or attend a “Friendsmas” with chosen family.
• Plan a solo ritual: a beach trip, movie marathon, bushwalk or long bike ride.
• Cook a favourite meal that has nothing to do with Christmas at all.
• Volunteer at a local charity, aged care facility or community event (Healthdirect suggests this as a powerful antidote to loneliness at this time of year).

2. Plan connection points

If you’re physically alone:

• Schedule phone or video calls with friends at specific times.
• Join an online community or support group.
• Attend a community lunch or church/faith-based gathering if that feels right for you.

3. Acknowledge grief, don’t suppress it

If someone is missing this year:

• Light a candle or set a place at the table in their honour.
• Share a favourite story or photo with someone you trust.
• Allow yourself to cry or feel flat — you don’t have to be “on” all the time.

If your grief or loneliness feels overwhelming or is mixing with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out for immediate help (we’ll list numbers below).

Supporting kids and teens who are anxious about Christmas

Holiday anxiety doesn’t just affect adults.

Younger kids

Kids may not say “I feel anxious”, but you might notice:

• Clinginess or tantrums around events.
• Tummy aches or headaches before gatherings.
• Trouble sleeping or nightmares.
• Regression (bedwetting, thumb-sucking).

You can help by:

• Explaining what to expect at each event (who will be there, how long it will last).
• Building in quiet time between big gatherings.
• Letting them know it’s okay to stick close to you for parts of the day.
• Agreeing on a signal they can use if they need a break.

Teens and young adults

Teens face added pressures:

• Body image worries in summer clothing.
• Social comparison on Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat.
• FOMO if they’re not at every party or festival.
• Pressure around drinking, drugs and sexual activity.

You might:

• Have an honest chat about boundaries, consent and safe sex (our sexual health and contraception resources can support that conversation).
• Agree on check-in times when they’re out.
• Talk about social media being a highlight reel, not reality.
• Encourage one or two low-pressure traditions they actually enjoy (e.g. late-night Macca’s run, backyard cricket, a particular movie).

Getting mental health support in Australia (and how telehealth helps)

Sometimes, managing stress at Christmas with self-help strategies isn’t enough. It’s important to know when to reach out for extra support.

When to seek urgent help

Call triple zero (000) immediately or go to your nearest emergency department if:

• You’re having thoughts of harming yourself or others.
• You feel unable to keep yourself safe.
• You’re extremely distressed, disoriented or not making sense.
• Your anxiety is so severe you can’t function at all.

You can also access 24/7 crisis support via:

• Lifeline – 13 11 14 (phone), or text/chat online.
• Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467.
• Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636, with phone and online chat support.

These services are there throughout the holidays, including Christmas Day.

Non-urgent mental health support

If your symptoms are significant but not an emergency, options include:

• Your GP – to discuss what you’re experiencing, rule out physical causes, and create a mental health treatment plan with referrals to psychologists or psychiatrists.
• Private psychologists or counsellors – in person or online.
• Government-backed online services like Head to Health and MindSpot, which provide free information, assessment and digital treatment programs for anxiety, depression and stress.

At NextClinic, we can support you through telehealth consultations with Australian-registered doctors, available from early morning to late at night, seven days a week — including weekends and public holidays when it’s often hardest to see a local GP.

During a telehealth consult, we can:

• Listen to what you’re experiencing and take it seriously.
• Check for physical contributors (like thyroid issues, medication side effects, or anaemia) that may worsen anxiety or low mood.
• Provide short-term support and discuss lifestyle strategies.
• Discuss whether medication is appropriate and safe for you, and provide or renew prescriptions when clinically indicated.
• Arrange specialist referrals (for example, to a psychiatrist) if needed.
• Issue medical certificates online if you need time off work or study due to mental health symptoms, including burnout or anxiety that makes you temporarily unfit for work.

If sitting in a GP waiting room feels impossible right now — or you’re travelling, working shifts, or living rurally — telehealth can be a gentler first step towards getting help.

Your quick holiday anxiety toolkit

Let’s pull this together into a simple checklist you can actually use.

This week, you might choose to:

1. Name what’s hardest for you about Christmas

Is it money? Social anxiety? Grief? Family conflict? Loneliness? Being specific helps you target the right strategies.

1. Set one or two realistic boundaries

Examples:

• “I’ll only attend lunch from 12–3 pm.”
• “We’re doing Secret Santa instead of individual gifts.”
• “I’m not discussing my relationship/fertility/sexuality today.”

1. Plan one support strategy for Christmas lunch
   • A grounding exercise you’ll use.
   • An ally you’ll sit next to.
   • A pre-planned exit strategy if things get too intense.
2. Schedule decompression time

Block out at least half a day to rest, walk, swim, read or do something that actually recharges you.

1. Reach out if you’re struggling
   • Book a GP or telehealth appointment to talk through your symptoms.
   • Contact Lifeline, Beyond Blue, or another helpline if you’re in distress.
   • Explore online resources like MindSpot or Head to Health for structured support.

Remember, mental health is not a New Year’s resolution; it’s an everyday practice — and the festive season is just one (admittedly intense) chapter in your year.

Final thoughts: You’re allowed to protect your peace this Christmas

If you’re dreading Christmas lunch, it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, broken or “too sensitive”. It means your nervous system is responding to a genuinely stressful mix of expectations, history, money pressure and social demands.

In this article, we’ve looked at:

• Why holiday anxiety is so common in Australia — from cost-of-living stress to loneliness and complicated family dynamics.
• How to recognise when “busy” has tipped into genuine anxiety or burnout.
• Practical social anxiety tips for before, during and after Christmas events.
• Ways to set boundaries around money, time, topics and relationships — including sensitive areas like sexual health and fertility.
• What to do if Christmas is lonely or grief-filled, and how to create your own version of the holidays.
• Where to find mental health support, from crisis lines to telehealth consultations and online programs.

Our challenge to you:

Choose just one strategy from this article and commit to trying it at your next festive event.

Maybe it’s:

• Saying “no” to one extra gathering.
• Practising that grounding exercise in the bathroom when your heart starts racing.
• Setting a clear budget and suggesting Secret Santa.
• Telling a trusted person, “I find Christmas really hard. Can I lean on you a bit this year?”
• Booking a telehealth consult with us to talk through your anxiety before the big day.

Small steps can make a surprisingly big difference — especially when you repeat them.

We’d love to hear from you: Which strategy are you going to try, and how did it go? If you feel comfortable, share your experience in the comments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to read to feel less alone this Christmas.

References

• The cost of Christmas causing mental health concerns | Medibank Newsroom
• Red Cross survey finds 31pc of Australians frequently feel lonely around Christmas - ABC News
• Two in five Australians have experienced a mental disorder | Australian Bureau of Statistics
• Anxiety Disorders: Common Symptoms and Effective Treatments | NextClinic
• Helping high anxiety on holiday | Pursuit by the University of Melbourne
• Stay Safe: Your Guide to Contraception This Party Season | NextClinic
• Online Wellbeing Course | MindSpot
• 8 ways to stress-proof your festive season | healthdirect
• Mental health helplines | healthdirect
• Online Doctors: Telehealth Consultations at NextClinic
• 5 Signs You’re Too Burned Out to Work | NextClinic

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